missing something

So I'm sure that my family doesn't want to read this- let me forewarn you, that if you are.. I won't be surprised when you say that you are ashamed of me and the things I am doing.. or that I potentially want to do.
I have come back to another point in my life, where I need to be wild and free. I need to be me again. I miss myself.
Trolling through myspace, I came across a group of girls. I think I may have told some of you guys my problem.. I can't seem to get a feminine girl. It seems that I'm too pretty for the girly girls, and I'm not into butch girls. Girly girls really do something for me. I don't know what it is.
Every once in awhile, a girl will catch my eyes. It doesn't seem to happen very often because I'm extremely picky. But, I seriously miss that lifestyle. I don't know where it went.
Hell, I don't know where me went anymore.
I am getting tired of living a life of mediocrity. I made some mistakes and now I have to pay for them. I just want to take back some of the life that I lost. That time is now.
Back then, I wasn't aware of what I was doing. Despite it all, and all the pain that I know became of all of that... I want to take a step back. I'm dangerously close to breaking.