stumbled upon

Unspoken Blue Sky

This blog just happened to pop up under updated, so I decided to click.
Looks pretty nice. Check it out.
It's artwork.

And another link to take a gander @:

orchid photography
-updated 1/9/06

Pro life site
1/10/06

I should have told you.. confession site
1/10/06

Wow.. what a blast from the past

So, I have had a myspace account for a long time but never used it really. I think I had one with my other email address, but haven't used it in literally Years.
Well, I went to check my other inbox (come on beta invites damnit =( ) and decided what the hell. I was browsing on there and saw Jolynn's space. She looks the same as she did in high school pretty much. I think that's pretty damn good for having had a baby=p
I saw some pictures of Tony up there. He is getting big.
I feel bad. I wish I had been keeping in better contact, but it has been hectic here family wise too (go take a look on hehwoah).
Well, I was looking at her myspace, and saw a picture of someone whom I hadn't seen since high school. John Comstock. Holy fucking cow. Well, I sent him a little email on there, not fully confident that he would even respond because of the whole Josh thing. But, I am glad to say that he did. Man I feel old.. that seemed like forever ago that I talked to John and that crowd. I miss them. We had some good times.
Well, he sent me an im on yahoo, but we didn't get much time to chat. He has been working on his band. It didn't surprise me. I'm happy for him though. I hope that it works out.
Well, I sent a few other emails out today to people I haven't talked to in a while. I don't know what's going to happen with those, but it was nice to at least try and talk to some of these people I've had good times with in the past. It makes me feel a little better to repair some old wounds. I guess, as cheesy as it sounds, perhaps time really does help to cure some of the pain.

Go to your video store and rent this sometime

Anj brought home some pre-street movies today from work. A couple weren't my thing. But, he did bring home a pretty good one. It's called November. It plays out in an odd way like Memento did. It frustrated Andre watching it. It makes you think.
The casting wasn't very strong, but it had a very good storyline. The main character was played by Courtney Cox.
It is really difficult to explain actually. It is just one of those movies that you just have to see to understand.

Today's fun filled episode--Anj's "date", my cold, and stuck-up people

Well, it has been awhile since I have actually sat down here to blog again. I have been busy being productive around the house lately actually. I know, all of you must be shocked I am sure.

I think I must be going through a nesting period or something funny is up with my hormones-- I have found that girls are indeed more difficult than boys as far as at least the pregnancy.
Yes, woot we are having a little girl. Andre is ecstatic of course. So am I, but this has been an interesting pregnancy so far yadda yadda yadda.. I just wish she was here already.

Anj and Jess both had birthdays recently. We couldn't go out on his b-day because he had to work.

Awhile back, Ethan did a number on my apartment and furniture with a permanent marker. We had arranged the living room in a way as to block in the kids. For some reason, I got sick of looking at the couch like that so I rearranged the living room and cleaned thoroughly. That was his initial birthday present.

Well, when they got the copies of the video game Aeon Flux in @ Anj's work, I guess there were passes or something that came in the case or something to go see the movie. Since they were never going to be sold, he took the liberty to bring a couple home so that we could have a cheap night out.

Well, tonight, he went with Jared as his date to go. To be honest, I wish I could have gone, but it is his birthday present in a way, so I caved. I was sick (I'll get to that in a minute), so it was better this way anyway.

Still, it was kind of humerous watching Jared tell Anj that he should change his clothes "because what he wearing is more like just stuff for around the house." I had to giggle to myself inside a bit at that. Andre looked almost real date nice when he left.

I have had a cold for awhile now but today it was finally the breaking point. It goes without saying if you know me at all personally that I am very much so anti medication unless it's an absolutely dire necessity. (I have had 2/2 kids without any sort of medication.. I figure if I can handle that, I don't really need it unless.. yeah =p)
Anyways, so for the past few days I have been having the wind sound blowing through my ears, my nose has been dripping and/or stuffy (gosh this morning one was drippy, while the other was stuffy... alhflhaf), and my throat was really scratchy. I felt like I was about to lose my voice. I would drink OJ, and that would make it worse. I would drink tea, and I would be so stuffed up, that since I wasn't able to breathe out of my mouth, I would be throwing up. It was just pushing it a bit too much.
So I called ma, and she didn't know what to advise. I called Stephanie, and she wasn't home. I called my cousin Lisa, and she wasn't sure. I went to the pharmacist and they were afraid to reccomend anything without a dr-- and everything that was actually going to help said to consult a doctor. A night in the ER pregnant with 2 kids was not appealing. And I absolutely didn't want to have to sit there another few days miserable while I tried to get a doctor's appointment; etc.
So, I remembered that they had said Tylonol was supposed to be ok. I got myself some Dayquil and some cough drops and I feel 10xs better. I looked at the list of things that I was allowed to take when I got home, and I should be fine. I feel so much better already actually that the medicine kicked in.
Anyways, the last bit of my day was about an online forum that I belonged to. I had been a member of this mother's group since before I was pregnant with Maddox. I was actually one of the first members in there.
For awhile, it was alright, but when I got into doing the EQ thing and was just otherwise preoccupied with other things than it, it started to get kind of stupid. Most of the mothers lived in the Bay area and talked about things that I would consider to be stuff of a much older crowd. It wasn't my thing, so I just ignored it. They also talked about buying $700 strollers for their kids blah blah blah.
Time passes, and then recently someone left the group without saying any reasons really why in the forum, and wrote something to the moderator about how she didn't feel the mothers took her seriously and she felt like she didn't belong. So, the moderator opens the door and poses the questions as to how she "can make people feel happy here and make people feel like their opinions matter."
For awhile, I had held back my same feelings. I decided that this was the adequate time to bring them up. I did so, in what I believed was the most polite way possible. I said positive things to go with my conserns. I said that no matter what, you are never going to please everyone (just as others had said). But of course, people got offended regardless.
I said I felt a little bit on the outside because I didn't live in the bay area like many of them. I said that I felt like the baby of the group because of my age. I said that they were lucky to be able to work and live where they did.

I got:
"baby?! I'm only 22..."--gah, I wanted to tell this person I am only 23, you are not much younger than me, don't take it personally when a good majority of the women were 30+ it seemed

"I wish I could stay at home, but I am the breadwinner; so I have no choice but to go to work and pay for daycare..."--yeah lady, try being stuck at home for 2+ years because when you are pregnant you have my physical problems so you have no choice. And if I did work, I would only be paying for daycare. The grass is always greener on the other side omfg...

and, the most disappointing comment of them all...
"Jena implies that none of us had a hard pregnancy... (insert personal story about her probs when she had her daughter)... she was pregnant at the exact time I was...yet, as everyone on this board that was here knows, her pregnancy was an easy one... I found many of Jena's comments rude and disrespectful..."--this was it for me right there. I, in no way shape or another implied any of that in what I had posted (here is what I had posted to get all this garbage thrown at me:

Well, I will be honest and come out and say this, since
unfortunately someone left..
but at times I do feel a bit odd in here with this group. Because
of my age, and where I live, and it seems that many of you are more
well off than our family is here (we're not poor or anything lol,
but we are nowhere near being at a point of living in the bay
area). It has bothered me a bit at times honestly.
I feel like the baby of the group in a way... however, I just try
and remember that people are different, and this group is more or
less for support and venting.. and it shouldn't really matter the
age thing as much because in the end, everyone here is important and
values their families, so we are at least alike in that regard if
nothing else.
I appreciate the advice and ideas from the mothers here. When I
first joined the group I was working; and now my job is staying at
home and taking care of my kids. You women are very lucky to be
working; my pregnancies are difficult for me, and daycare is
incredibly expensive; as is the cost of living out here in CA... so
I really more or less don't have a choice but to stay at home.
Anyways, I hope that helps.. I know that we are all busy in our
hectic lives since this is after all a moms group. People should
understand and respect that, and I am sorry someone felt that they
needed to leave without saying something first.. that is kind of
silly in my opinion. As it has been said though already, you simply
cannot please everyone all of the time. I know that I am not the
only one here that apreciates the women here in this group.
Ok now where's that wine? I think we've had enough cheese for one
day already =) hehe
Jena
-------

This woman talking about me in the 3rd person manner as if I wasn't even there when I hadn't done anything to her at all, was it. Inititally, I wrote a big personal reiteration of how the post was not meant to offend anyone, and how I was just trying to explain how out of place I felt sometimes and perhaps, the person that left shared some of those same feelings but didn't want any trouble...
And then I thought to myself FUCK THEM. I rememebered how I had to practically beg for some advice sometimes when I had thought it was supposed to be a forum devoted to doing just that as well as to vent. Yet, when dumb topics like "Have you seen what's going on this week with Desperate Housewives?" or "blah blah blah expensive stuck up soccer mom crap" were up there, they got tons of feedbacking and responses. What kind of group is that? It's a stuck up soccer mom group.
I was happy knowing that when I left that I said positive things. I told them that I had admired the moderator for going through what she did when she had her baby. I told the working mother that I would love to work if I could, and that she should realize that she is lucky to be able to support her family like that. I said that there are positives that they should think about. That you can't please everyone all of the time. And, that this was probably the exact reason that the person left without saying anything.
Oh between that and the medicine now lol, I feel so much better right now it's like not even funny =)
And that's all I have to say... about that hehehe