guys rules (warning girlie entrys following)

These were sent to me via email forwards, so i figured id post em up here since they were decent. enjoy------

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all
down. Finally, the guys side of the story. We always
hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are
the rules from the male side. These are the rules:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat! You’re a big
girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you
need it down. You don’t hear us complaining.

2. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never
going to think of it that way.

3. Crying is blackmail

4. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on
this one; subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do
not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

5. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

6. Come to us with a problem only if you want
help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is
what your girlfriends are for.

7. A headache last for 17-months is a problem -
See a doctor.

8. Anything we said 6-months ago is inadmissible
in an argument In fact, all comments become null and
void after 7-days.

9. If you won’t dress like the Victoria Secret
girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

10. If you think you are fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

11. If something we said can be interpreted two
ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry – we
meant the other one.

12. You can either ask us to do something or tell
us how you want it done. Not both. If you already
know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

13. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.

14. Christopher Columbus did not need directions
and neither do we.

15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

16. If it itches, it will be scratched – we do
that.

17. If we ask what is wrong and you say
“nothing”, we will act like nothing is wrong. We know
you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

18. If you ask a question you don’t want an
answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

19. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine…REALLY!

20. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,
the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.