yawn.. restless

I

hate

ebay

I'm effin addicted.

Mail get here already...

I got stuff I ordered after that damn thing, yet it still hasn't gotten here...

hope you're not stuck in a jail somewhere btw... or deathly ill... then again, those would be good excuses for you foos not calling.

yadda yadda yadda...
stuff

Why does it feel so natural to be awake now. Blah I want to learn PS and illustrator. But now I suddenly have the urge to work out. I think I'll prolly just end up playing Sims...

yawn

I'm terribly bored here at work.. on my break and this seems like a dead nite. It's so damn quiet, if I wasn't already insane, I would be going it now. That, and I think that there is something brewing... I fucking worry too much I think.

Resisting the urge to call.. hopeing that I'm not the cause of any problems. I'm used to the hours I keep here, but sometimes I wish that I would only be needed here for 8 hours (then I'd be almost outta here).

I just wish that on my breaks that there were more people awake than Tehhu. We've been talking for years and it's wonderful. Still... even when the shit has hit the fan; except for one instance, he was there for me. I often wonder what it would be like if he was closer. If he had been local back when I was having other issues.
Ah well, perhaps it's better off. Perhaps a lot of things are better off.

**

On a positive note there seems to be some improvement with Andre's behavior. Granted, it's not perfect- and in all honesty, I know it's not going to be all perfect right now. I have some things going on in my head right now.. and part of me is thankful for working so many hours. I just wish I had a weekend off sometime so I could actually do things like-

a)this party up in LA for Halloween (pre Halloween)

b)drinking,

c)going to a club with Ryan instead of always having to hear about how great a weekend he had with his friends (not picky though- I'd just like to go to a club with friends in general)

d)meet people that aren't fucking morons

e)Go to vegas

f)go to Mexico to have that huge lobster I see everyone else having and raveing about

g)to go on photoshoots

h)to go to the beach (I can't tell you the last time I actually did)... and the list goes on...

I still find myself thinking about Nathan. I write letters here and there- and it shows that he reads them.. but he never responds. Ryan says that it's probably just his curiousity- and not that he really cares. I wish he did though. I still want to tell him how sorry I am about how everything turned out.

Is it wrong that the years go by, and yet a piece of me still feels this way? You would think that I would be completely over it all, but I'm not. Mike says it's probably not him, but rather the idea of him. Maybe he's right. I don't know anymore.

I don't know alot of things anymore.

Well more later... back to work.. just a few hours till I actually get to have time off for a day. I made plans with my friend Mica. I don't know if Ryan is going to want to do anything or not.. I'll just wait and figure it out. I don't want to bug him, and I feel like I have because I just enjoy talking to him, and he's easy to confide in...

Sigh... like I said, more later.

more trouble with mr illin-wa

This asshole persists. What the fuck is your problem dude? I mean, I'm not your fucking bitch/gf/sister/mommy/lemming, etc that you can boss around as you fucking please. You are ridiculous and you need to get a life. (Notice how this is now on an uncensored blog, but I could give a fuck at this point.
I really don't want any drama, but don't think I know that you are the one nitpicking on every damn thing that I do... watching me like you are my fucking babysitter or someone important.
You have the same title as me... sorry to bring you back to reality but there it is. I know that you have been here longer.. and I acknowledge that you know more than me in alot of ways- here at work... but don't think that you can educate me at life lessons because honey, you have some severe issues, and can't even begin to talk to me about my problems... thankfully you will never be any the wiser about what's going on in my head.
Vent off, time for a smoke and a drink since it's break time. Woot .

i love halloween

It's a great excuse to dress up all cutesy and sexy like.
I had Andre order my costume. I have to work that nite, so I'll end up wearing it while I trick or treat with the kids and I come in for the nite.
This should be fun. I'll take pictures.

considering

I really love the claw marks on the back but I have no clue how I would add around them if I ever decided to. But I have been seriously thinking about getting a tatoo or 3.
My ideas for tatoos atm are:
Princess Toadstool (on my ankle maybe)
claw marks (on my shoulder or my waist or something)
sakura blossom (on the side of my tummy going down my leg a little or back of my back down by my waist)
some japanese woodblock kind of print like clouds, coy fish, or something beautiful (could be done in combination with the Sakura)- not sure where though

What do you think?

boo! I can't find it

My controller for my ps2... well at least not the wireless one and I really wanted to play some Okami. So hmmm maybe I will actually crack out the Linda prog.. if I can find that.

my feeble attempt at couture makeup

I saw something similar in a magazine, so I decided to experiment with the new colors I bought. Ok, that actually DOES come up bright orange.. it just didn't look like it in the package. I love this line of cosmetics though. Wow.. such fun.

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

Because I loved it so much I had to post it here too

If you change the picture, you get different results- in comparrison to this picture I also got: Hillary Clinton (eww) and Bunko Kanazawa- but those didn't fit. Another picture I put in had Kathern Hepburn though... isn't that just fucking grand? Too bad it wasn't Audrey. I just adore her.

An outlet, a decision

Since things have been ridiculous around here, and I have been absolutely inspired by some of the amazing works that I have seen across and abound this space, once again I feel the polarity of graphic design coming to the forefront.
All of these things at work that I'm doing, just make me want to do even more so.
I'm playing Okami these days. (I'll do a writeup on Supernerdlady later) Let me tell you for those that don't know (because it seems that some don't), that it is the most beautifully artistic made game that I have ever seen. And I am all about the niche artsy fartsy schpeel. When I first saw the previews for this ages ago, I was in awe. The game looks like you are playing in a Japanese watercolor woodblock style painting.
I oftentimes find myself trolling this space for inspiration. One thing that keeps drawing my eye are illustrators and graphic designers. I am in absolute awe of their work, and want more than anything to learn how to do even an iota of the things that they do, I would be ecstatic. It's exactly the kind of thing that I want to do with my site.
So, after we get some birthday cake and hit up the local Toys R Us for sir Maddox's birthday, I have a hot date with a Linda program or 3. Think I will start with a sig and modify a few pictures beyond filters.. so stay tuned and I will keep you posted.
In any event, I'm off now.
More to talk about of course.. but.. THANK YOU to all of you. Know that you inspire me so much!